As I believe I understand what you are going after, as its something I do. I will also toss in a suggestions and summary of some of the response you have received. First being welcome to the world of Revit and welcome to Dynamo. There will be a ton of learning involved !
While Dynamo could help with this issue it maybe a null point as there are features already in place to help with things of this nature in Revit. (Not that something couldn’t be cooked up) This path could be dangerous to go down with limited knowledge of Revit (although it may help you learn tons more about Revit and Dynamo)
Using the “Label” feature in families with nested subcomponent families (“Shared” or not) can be helpful for for allowing only active items to show up in schedules. Paired with Associating parameters as @JacobSmall has kindly linked to this should allow for robust parametric families. (Note the linked parameters will need to be the same Shared Parameters or Family Template Parameters in all nested families)
As an example I have 3-5 geometries (Nested Families) for Water Closets in one family, in order to make the family parametric and have it react to type, instance and lookup tables. I have a few formulas and driving parameters for this. Using the “Label” compared to turning on/off Visibility will help remove the undesired sub families from being an “existing” instance in your project model. This method allows for us to have ~16 Types of a Water Closet based of 3 WC Geometries (Wall, Floor or Tank) and 2 Flush Valves (Automatic , Manual or none (for tank type)) with other things like ADA and Chase Clearances being symbolic lines with yes/no visibility instances.
All of it gets more complicated as you decide what is an instance driver and what a type driver should be
The Associated Parameters are then used for scheduling as well. But definitely worth a read on Shared Parameters before you get to far in setting things up (see link for Bim Guru’s great video on the topic)
What you are after is then just a task of controlling Schedules and Filters.
Create a Nested Family with Interchangeable Components | Revit LT | Autodesk Knowledge Network
Mastering Revit Shared Parameters - YouTube